So, I know I haven’t been around for a while but that honestly does not mean that I have ‘improved’ or not needed anyone to talk to. It’s partly because I became more open with my friends with all of my problems, and because I tried to have a handwritten kind of diary. This didn’t work for two reasons: one, my handwriting is about as messed up as my mind, and two, it made me worse somehow. I guess after putting my issues out here and getting support is much better than leaving it all to my mind to deal with.
Ah, I always go off track, I wanted this post to give you a catch up of what’s been happening. So, I managed to tell my best friend about some of my habits, only to find out she had some of her own. If you haven’t caught on, I’m talking about self harm. This has become better, I hardly do it anymore apart from when I have a horrible day (lately not much), I know most of you may not understand the concept behind self harm, so I’ll make a separate post on that another time. I feel stable. But I still feel empty, especially when Maya or Robert isn’t around. Which is a lot now Robert has gone off to university and I only see Maya at school. But yeah.
School. Right so, I’m in year ten now- I’m nearly fifteen eek! And the subjects I’m studying are: french, biology, chemistry, physics, maths, english, geography, resistant materials, physical education, religious education and probably another which I’ve forgotten about. They all suck, except PE and resistant materials, I love them.
I still don’t really have a social life, occasionally I go out with friends (male and female) I know right, exciting! Meh, they’re my friends but I get too self conscious and as a result really boring around them. They’re more friends of friends who put up with me.
Chess has died, but I have domino (I’m talking about my dogs). Roberts gone to university and so the only time I see my parents is at dinner, and even then we eat in silence. I really miss him, but I never seem to want to message or phone him to which he’s disappointed at but I don’t know why, he’s got new friends and he still talks to mum and dad, why bother with me I’m too boring.
So I think you’re all caught up. Ha, I didn’t think that this post would be quite this long, but I thought you deserved it seeing as I just left you for ages without a goodbye.
Is anyone still out there?